after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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