she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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