Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
