come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
