How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
my nose is crying tears of wow.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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