I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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