Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Randomize
