Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
