The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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