I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
