y did u give ur computer a hand job?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
