so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
