Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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