If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
