i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
