Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
