You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
