Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
