So drunk its hurt
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Brb crying the tears of my youth
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
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