I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
