Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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