is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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