I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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