At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
