some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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