we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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