I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
