I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
My dick has a subreddit
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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