I looked at my own cervix.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Randomize
