i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
