ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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