You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I AM VODKA MAN
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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