Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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