i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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