So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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