her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
