He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
