im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
