you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
