Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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