Nicole vs. Life
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
