I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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