dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
jump out the window naked night went bad
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
