If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
