We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Randomize
