remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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