you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
