You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I got inside last night via doggy door
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
