you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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