3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
