And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
