I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
