somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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