Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
