Pants 0. Shit 1.
My hand turned me down
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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