So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Randomize
