i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
