we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
