thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
