in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
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