Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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