im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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