we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
