This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
