just tell him i said nine months
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
MIDGETS
????
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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